MILAN MEETUP {part 2}: Legends Of The Hidden Prada

FULL OF CHEESE, NOT FULL OF REGRETS. We are back with more crazy stories from our epic meetup in Milano. From lasagna spa's to problematic taxi drivers to street brawls over cheese & pizza socks, part two leaves no cobblestone unturned. 

We hate to say Ciao to beautiful Italy, but hate even more to say hello to our credit card bills.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Hey Mal. Hey Jack. Bonjour. Bonjour. Ciao, ciao. I'm still in a I'm in a Milano state of mind.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Heard that. I know. I wish I could be there. I'm dressed head to toe in Milano right now.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

You really are. Look at you. You got your brooch. You got your all the things. You got your bag. You got your scoozies. You got your shoes. Yeah. Yeah. The only thing I have on is my lipstick, which is really wrong right now.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

I've got my lips and my eyeliner. Yeah. Guys, we had the best time. Best time. We're gonna we're gonna drop links to all the places we shopped to because some of them are online. Spoiler alert. That's been dangerous. That's been a problem.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

We really thought we just kind of left that all there. We got back, sobered up a little, looked at our credit card statement, said, Woo! Wow. Let's buy another bag. And then Mallory was like, hey, I found them all online. Ooh, hey, they ship internationally. I was like, that's that's an issue. So that's tough to hear. Yep. That's pretty tough. But we are back. We are uh we're acclimating back to real life, but we just had so many crazy stories from Milan. We could not fit them into one episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

We had to split it up. So and we've been sharing some some reels, some photos. We got lots to share. So hop over to the social if you want to see what we're talking about. Check out part one of our Milan meetup episode, Pocket Full of Meatballs, if you want to get the first half of the stories. Yes. And then we're gonna tell you the second half of the crazy stories right now. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Get ready. But yesterday, before this amazing dinner, we went to Where do we go? The most amazing spa blacked out that you've ever been to in your life. This would cost you thousands of dollars in America. Easy. We got five hours in this spa, and we'll tell you what all the rooms were. There were must have been 30 rooms.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

It was Disneyland of spas.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

And we got five hours. We each got a 30-minute massage, and we got lunch included with wine for with tip for under 50 euro. Under 200 euro. Yeah. Under 200 euro.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

So we get there, we get a change into our and luckily I found this spa for us to go to.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Right, right. Mm-hmm. Jackie claims that my previously sending this to her, she didn't see it and therefore is taking credit for finding it. She found it in her text messages. So we get there, we go into the locker room and go to put on our swimsuits and our robe. They give you a robe and a towel and shoes. And we're off. And there is a pool outside a heated pool with bubbles.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

And just an oasis.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

An oasis.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

It's surrounded by these like crumbling old like arches and walls.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

What are those called? Aqueducts.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Yeah. Yeah. And then it's inside, it's all like beautiful honeysuckle bushes and lemon trees. It's just paradise. Lights. Paradise. Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

So we sit out there for a little bit in the pool, then we come inside. There's a sauna. Well, there's about probably 10 different saunas with all different scents.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

There's two levels and a million rooms.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

A million rooms. There's a steam room. There's a shower. There's a room where you lay on a bed and just like it rains on you like a shower.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

Yeah, we go down to the lower level and it's a million different rooms. One was this like track. Oh yeah. And we're just staring at it. It's like water little track. We're like, I don't know how this works. And this couple goes up in front of us. We're like, we're gonna watch you. It was apparently a it and each plunge. Yeah. Each have a little description outside the room of like what it is and what it's supposed to do for you. Yeah. And it was like a like a stimulation, uh circulation. Yeah. So it goes from cold to hot and you just walk through it.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Yeah. And it is cool. Fucking cold. It was cold. I was screaming. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this the whole time. You run from the coldest I've ever felt. Coldest. It's just like steaming hot. Yeah. So that's where we started. We started there. The steam room was my favorite, probably. Oh. And they had like Jasmine or something. Yeah. A million different saunas. They had a room where the rain room we have to talk about.

unknown 4:13

The rain.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

There's a room. You go in, and it's like you're surrounded by it's immersive like TV screens. TV screens. And it's this like you're traveling through this different weather.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Right. And it's like it's like now it's cloudy and now it's sunny and now it's raining.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

And it's just pouring rain on you. And there's people just like standing in the water.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

One woman was having a religious experience. Another woman was having quite the opposite. Exciting for her life. She's curled up in the corner of this chair, covering her face and going, ah, ah, as if someone has chained her to the chair. Like that she can't just get up.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Move.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Move. Move, bitch. Get out the way.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

And her friend is sitting. We were sitting up on the side, which was perfect. Really good. The rain was in front of us, and we were getting the like and it's music. I liked it. I found it very relaxing. I would not have liked it if I was getting split to the face in the middle. Yeah, exactly. And her friend's just sitting on the side, like video recording her. Right. Just dying. Dying. Drowning. Right. It was it was very odd. Straight. Then there were these two fucking assholes, these Italian guys.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Just sitting in the middle.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Sitting in the middle, and like you press a button, and it maybe is like a five-minute thing. Right. And then it ends and it says press the button for the experience.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

And I want a part of me was like, I want to try sitting in it and doing it.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

But you wouldn't get up because they would not get out.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

We were talking jaw jacking the whole time. Yep. We went through three experiences and they didn't get up.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

And then I was like, all right, all right. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, go fuck yourself. Yeah. We also, a lot of couples at this spa. So we saw post pre- and post-coitus. We we saw it all. A lot of nooks and cranes. There was one where we're pretty sure we saw insertion. Yeah. So that was tough.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Dark orders.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

That was tough. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of chlorine in those days. A lot of chlorine. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

There was one sauna room we went in with another TV in it.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

And I was we just come from the like TV rain room. So I was like, ooh, another TV room. Yeah, yeah. And it was just like stock photos. It was AI.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Like it was we did last night.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Children. Yeah. Yeah. But there were there was also a room that just had like these enormous beds, and we laid down on this like beds on the floor.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

Oh. So the the main level is a bunch of nap rooms.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Nap rooms.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

This would be my husband's just paradise.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Oh yeah. Mine too. Mine too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

It was these round memory foam bed pods.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Yeah. With the music and so good.

SPEAKER_01 6:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

It was fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

It was a little, I mean, it is very like you're in another dimension. It was like a dark room with these like white trees and these white pods. We'll post some. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

It was it was incredible. Incredible. It was a waterbed room where you laid on water beds and watched immersive strange photos. A really zoomed-in picture of an eyeball, which was kind of weird and lingered, you know. But then we had massages, which were fantastic, really great. And then was lunch. And my favorite part. Lunch is a buffet, including wine, and there's a salad bar. There's a yogurt bar, but then there's also like hot things. And the hot thing was lasagna.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Lasagna.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

And old Garfield over here decided that's all I'm getting. She didn't touch a green.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Nah.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Two servings. Didn't touch a vegetable.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Nope. Nope. I was ravenous. I saw that lasagna. It was maybe the best lasagna.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

This is somebody who had the previous night eaten pocket meatballs.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

And I said, load her up.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Load her up lasagna. I got some garlic bread. I sat, I ate my first serving before Mallory was done making her salad bar salad and got to the table. And then I said, I'm going for round two. Yeah. Back to the lasagna lady, and I said, again. Again, run it back. Run it back.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Yeah. And to be fair, I don't want to, you know, make you look like the bad guy here because had that lasagna not had meat in it, I would have fucked with it too. I would have torn it. I would have had all the servings. Yeah. You know, I didn't choose the salad. The salad chose me, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

Because you kept eyeballing it and you were like, is there meat in that thing?

SPEAKER_00 8:22

And though I was like, oh, can you find a corner without meat? Just give me a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Mine was amazing. I almost went for thirds. I said, I'm not wasting room with like broccoli. No. Get out of here. Get out of here. More lasagna. More lasagna.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Yes. Never been happier. Came home, took a nap. We had to been debating whether or not we were going to go to Lake Como today.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

And we were like, you know what? We have to the next pool we went to with my bathing suit.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Oh, yeah. So we go to we found another. Hold on.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

There's nothing that makes you feel better. I mean, everyone's in bathing suits and robes. And nothing makes you feel better about yourself than stuffing your belly with lasagna.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

And then getting in a pool and a stranger.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

And then getting in a pool in front of strangers in your bathing suit. So I'm in the pool already feeling like a whale, but a happy whale. And all of a sudden Mallory's like, okay. Like, what? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

100%. It was the tag. I was going to tuck the tag and I was like, oh, I can't because it's inside out. Can't. And she was like, the poopy part's on the outside.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

I said it is.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

It is inside.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Poopy parts on the outside. It is what it is right now. It is what it is. Yep. Change it.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Inside out.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

In this pool. And you know what? We're in a foreign country. We don't know anybody. Never been happy. It's whatever. It's whatever. Yeah. So we came home, we take a nap. We've been talking back and forth. Like we I was, I really thought Jackie was like, I have to go to Lake Como. And I think you thought the same. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

So we start pussyfooting around it when we wake up from our nap. Jackie's like, let's talk about Lake. Because we at this point we have not planned anything. So if we are going to go to Lake Como, we have a lot of planning and thinking and strategizing to do.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

And how to get to the train and the ferry and all the whole night. And I'm like, how married are you?

SPEAKER_00 10:12

I know. I was like, well, Lake Como. How married are you to the idea? And we realized your wedding right now. That's right. We realized, as usual, we were simpatico. We were like, we have too much shopping to do. We got more. We got more. We got to get stuff for our kids. Yep. Our husbands. We need wine.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Wine.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

We got, we just have too much to do. Yeah. Our docket is full. Our docket is full. In fact, even recording this podcast, I don't know if we're gonna have time to do everything. Oh my god, it's already 11:30. It's already 11:30. Amazing. So we're not there.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

We decided not to at the spa, Holly, a young sweet girl. Traveling by herself. Traveling by herself. What are they called? Hostel. Hostels. Yeah. And she was like, Oh, I'm going to Lake Como tomorrow. And I put my number in her phone. I was like, so are we? Like, let your aunties here take care of you. That's right. And yeah, we're not gone.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Yeah. Good luck, Holly. Good luck, Holly. Enjoy, enjoy your trip to Lake Como. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

Look at pictures online. It's fine.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure it's beautiful, but you know, not as beautiful as the things we're going to bring home. They say, you know, you can't take it with you, but you can take stuff with you. Can't take souvenirs with you. Home from Milan. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So then what did we do? We decided, yeah, we're not doing that. We had dinner at the Fantastic Restaurant with the ass grab last night.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

Oh, or cab.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Oh, and then after dinner, yeah, we took a cab over to a rooftop bar.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

They tell you, like, there's all signs and everything in Milan that's like the white cabs are the legit cabs. Only get in a white cap. And the white cab can be any car we've we've seen. It just has to be white. And but and and and it has a taxi. Yeah, and it has a taxi thing on top. So we've just been catching the white cabs. And we have like, you know, there's Uber and there's all different apps and stuff. And Mel trying to get an Uber once and then, but there's enough white cabs we're able to just do it. Yeah. So we grab a white cap and we're heading to back to the Duomo to like get to a rooftop bar because the weather was nice.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Yeah. And we have a lady driver. First lady driver slaying her outfit on point. Killing. She's wearing a blue, like a blue baby blue blazer with blue eye matching blue eyeliner. I mean just queen. Beautiful blonde hair. She had to be 50s, 60s. Probably 60s, I'd say. Yeah. And what was her name?

SPEAKER_01 12:23

Cosette. Cosette. Because then I was singing lame is to you and you kept telling me to stop.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Right. Yeah. That was uh I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

What's the matter with you?

SPEAKER_00 12:31

Cosette is like, you my girls, so I'm gonna hook you up with some knowledge. Yeah. Okay, because we are sisters. I'm gonna keep it real. I'm gonna keep it real with you. And she goes on what can only be described as a pretty racist tire about anything non-taxi. You know, she's saying stay away from the Ubers, stay away from everything else. Blackheart. Yep. They don't pay taxes, they're here illegally, they're slaves. Or the the gypsies. The gypsies. The gypsies. She's not a fan of the gypsies. Not a fan of the gypsies. She was Cosette was Italian MAGA. She was Italian MAGA for sure. The gypsies are here illegally. I pay my taxes. Yeah. It was. She said, I saved a girl once from the sex. Yep. From the gypsies. From the gypsies and the sex. She said, don't do it. She said, do not do it. She gave us her card. She gave us her card. She said, you call me, I work till two. I come pick you up.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Yep. She lived in Lake Como. Lived in Lake Como.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

She was like, Italy is the best. The people are crazy, but you should live here. She's like, Why don't you live here? I was like, Great question, Coosa. It's not that easy. I know. Trust me, I would love to. Okay. I would love to. You sponsor us? Yeah. Seriously. I'll pay your taxes. We'll pay our taxes. Yeah, we pay our taxes. Man, she was she was fabulous. Women supporting women. Women supporting women. Some women. Not not gypsy women. Not gypsy women. Not gypsy women. But but the others. Taxpaying women. The white women. Yeah. Racism is really. It's everywhere. It's everywhere. It's a real disease. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

But loved her.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Yeah. Loved her so. So, you know, as we are wont to do, when we can't immediately find the rooftop bar, we just start shopping again. And we head into the department store.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

La Renaissante.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

I'm not country.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

It's like the Harrods, like a London Herod's. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

So we start on the first floor, which is cosmetics, go up to the second floor, which is handbags, but like vintage, like luxury handbags. Not vintage. Yeah, not vintage, sorry, luxury. Luxury. Every luxury brand. Yeah. So we're like, okay, we start realizing you go up to get cheaper. So we're like, take us up. And then we get to the last women's level, and it's like, no, this is still pretty expensive. But then the next level was just the cafe. So we were priced out. We were priced out. There was no floor high enough for our budgets. No floor low enough for high enough and low enough. High enough and low enough. There was not. Then we just made our way back. Made our way back down. Yeah. Went to the very bottom to the basement, which was so cool. Yeah. Italian furniture and fixtures, their lamps. It was just like a museum. So it was cool to look at. I I would have loved to have brought a lamp home. I know. I really would have. They were so freaking cool. It's so, so cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

So we leave there. We're looking for like we go to this rooftop bar that we originally got.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Well, before before we go to the rooftop bar, we stopped to get some little souvenirs, and some insane fight breaks out on the street and ends up in the souvenir shop. And we're just all standing there, everyone in the souvenir getting fully punched in the face. And apparently the whole side, like we didn't see the whole fight, but the entire sidewalk cleared. All the diners at this one restaurant just got up and left because it was so crazy. Yeah. Polizia are there. Like it was insane. Did it stop us from shopping? No. I'm like, I'll take these pizza socks, please. Pizza socks for the lady. I almost died for these pizza socks. Yeah, exactly. Worth it. Worth it. Got a magnet out of it, bitch. Yes. So then we go to our first rooftop bar and she's like, no, get out of here. You don't have a reservation. Yeah. Go fuck yourself.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

So then we're just wandering the streets trying to find somewhere. At this point, it's like 10 o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Jockey suggests gelato. And I'm like, okay, so we're we're done with the night then. I'm like, no. I just I I'll get gelato and a drink. We all know. I knew. I knew. I knew.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Well, yeah, I haven't had gelato yet because it's been kind of cold and rainy. And I was like, I have gelato.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Oh my god. And I'm already.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

She's uncomfortably full. Uncomfortably full from dinner. And I was like, I gotta have this. Like my mentality here is I have to eat everything. I don't care how terrible I feel. It's going in. This is my only chance. So I'm really bad. Top it with strategy. Zero strategy did not work on every laptop.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

I do not recommend it.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

So I top it off with the most amazing.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Cachioe pepe. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

A belly full of cachioe pepe. Okay, well, our meal at this restaurant, we got cheese, cheese, cheese, fried zucchini flowers. Which were just ricotta cheese, just cheese.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

Then we got a birrata cheese on top of tomatoes. And then I got caccio pepe cheese. So I'm full of cheese.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Full of cheese.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

I'm full of cheese, not full of regrets. I talked to chocolate gelato.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

We were done with our meals. And what does Jackie say? We'd like these to go. I'm like, to go where? Where are we gonna carry this fucking pasta? Yeah. So she's got pockets full of cachio of pepe. I got a pocket, got a pocket full of pepe.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

I got a pocket full of pocket full of meatballs.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

I can't let go of the food. It's the best food of my life.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

I know. So we get the gelato and we finish it. And then we say, We get a bar. We go to a bar, but it took a long time. It was very cool.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

It was a very uncomfortably full. I'm trying to put a drink on top of it. Now I'm getting cranky.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

We're sitting on the edge of the world, right? Like we're basically hanging off the edge of this building with views of the Duomo. Amazing. Yeah. But then I got tired and cranky and full. And then I came home and had throwing it. And she, yeah. She got tired and cranky and full, and then she got mean. She got mean.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

I best I passed the point. She did.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

So it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

You know. We all we've all been there. And we have wake up in the morning and apologize, don't we, Jackie? We sure do. Did we? Did we in our own way? Okay. In our own way. I I I knew in your heart you were sorry.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

We need to go back to the rest the honest restaurant.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

We need to. So you to get it out. Yeah. Yeah. Dig deep for that apology.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

What did I say that was me last night?

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Kind of black guy. I can't remember. I just remember being like, God damn it. I think I told you to shut up on the streets and wait. You did? Yes. Well, I was trying to joke with her and I was like, should we stop in that bar and get one more drink? And she's like, shut the fuck up.

unknown 18:48

I was like, fuck you.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

I'm like dying. I see our apartment in the distance. I'm about to vomit. I'm like, I need to get home. My feet are sore. And Mallory's like, let me tell you the story about a deep fryer.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Air fryer, not a deep fryer. Okay, to be clear.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

I didn't care. I don't care.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Let me go.

unknown 19:05

Let me be.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was enjoying myself. And you decided to ruin your evening of your own choices.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

You were in a happy place and I've been. Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

You're like, John. Because you know why? I didn't go cheese on cheese on cheese on gelato.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

I act like I've been here before. That chocolate gelato was just as good the second time coming back.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Yeah. So I got ready for bed in the kitchen last night. So I didn't have to sit. Yeah, I was not about that life. Sorry, I was with you. Thank you. I blame the cheese. Yes. It doesn't to me too. That's why I don't eat it. All right. So our last day of Milan, we finished recording the pod, and we say, you know what? Let's do just a little more shopping.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

You know what? It felt like the sand was running out of the sand dial. And we were, we were in a panic.

unknown 19:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

We were in a fright. It was like, what was that show when we were growing up? Days of our lives. Legends of the Hidden Temple. Oh. That's what I felt like. Running through the hidden temple, trying to hit all the things, you know, as the clock was. Yes. That's what it was. It was crazy. Yeah. So we got we hit the streets. We found Yama Man. Yamma Man.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Well, because we were shopping for our husbands and our families. We said we're just going to shop for other days.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

Today's is a giving day. Yeah. It was giving Sunday. Yeah. So we we went to Yama Man, and the minute we walked in, you know, Italians love to tell you who you look like. And damn if they didn't stop Jackie, the immediately we walk in, and this hot 25-year-old Italian don't want to brag. I don't want to brag. Stunner stops Jackie and says, He says, Diana.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

I said, What? We look at each other. He goes, Diana. I'm thinking he's thinks I'm someone he knows or like like some woman named Deanna. And I'm like, oh no, I'm Jackie. I'm not Diana. Yeah. And he's like, Princess Diana. I was like, Yeah. Yeah. Princess Diana. She got Dolly. Princess Diana. I will say the short hair, so like I was not feeling my best on the trip. You know, it has taken a not only did it take a chunk out of my hair, it took a little chunk out of my confidence. But I've never been in the category of a Dolly Preston or Princess Diana. And that's been fun.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

That's been that looked in my spirit. You just needed to go to Italy and get your mojo back. Everybody there. All the men were like, get it, girl. Get it, girl. Following her around. He is flirting. She goes upstairs to look at something. I'm downstairs. He's convincing me I need instead of just one pair of swim shorts, I need like seven. So that happened. But he's like, Your friend, she has stolen my heart. And I was like, Oh yeah, I know. She's she's a stunner hair. And he's like, you know, you you're fine, but you have a husband and kid anyway. And I was like, well, so does she. He was like, oh, what? He was heartbroken. And then he is saying to her, Whose credit card are you using? Yours or your man's? And she's like, mine. And he's like, Well, if it were me, you'd be using my credit card. He starts speaking Polish to her. Apparently, he had a girlfriend that dragged him to Poland for a year and he learned Polish. I mean, this man pulled out all the stops.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

He wanted to run away together. And I said to Sir, I'm flattered. But no. I'm She said you're 10 years too late. Yeah, I said you're about 14 years too late. And uh when he was 10. When he was 10.

unknown 22:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

When you're watching Nickelodeon, I was watching it. When you were watching Legends of the Hidden Temple. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

So sorry. Yeah. But thank you for the compliments. I will take those with me.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

I will take that. So we took we took Jackie's elevated confidence right down to the Kiko, which is the Italian brand makeup store that has been.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

I don't know what you compare it to. It's not like a Sephora because it only sells Kiko. I mean it's like any, it's like a Mac or something. Yeah, yeah, like a Mac. Like an Italian Mac. Yeah. Yeah. Great stuff.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

Great stuff. So we w whipped back through there. That was like our third time being at that store.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

And then we found another Wait, but Kiko, so it's a madhouse every time you go in there. And that's the prices are very reasonable. I mean, they blow an American makeup prices out of the water. Yeah. So we're just like, oh, it's basically free. We'll take 15 lipsticks. We'll take everything. But there's always this line in the middle of the store. And at first it intimidated us because we were like, oh, this store's too busy. We're not going to go in there. The line is for this custom engraving you can do on a lipstick after you buy it. And we were like, why would you do that? Why would you do that?

SPEAKER_00 23:56

Why would you do that? You have to pay for it. Then you have to stand in a really long line and then like an hour. It's almost out the door. Yeah. For a lipstick you're going to throw away. You're going to throw away because it's going to run out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

We couldn't fathom it. Every time we went in that store, which was many. Every time. Which was a line out the door.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

It was a line. Or the ingredient. So then what do we do next? We went well, oh no, wait. First we went and got suitcases.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

First we went to Primark, which Mallory's never been. I love a Primark. It's cheap. It's real, real cheap.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

Got a $20 enormous suitcase because I needed more stuff to take my wares home in.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

We didn't get all this shit home. We didn't get on. Because Mallory decided she needed to bring her entire wardrobe to Milan, including a pair of winter boots.

unknown 24:44

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

I didn't know how cold it was going to be. All right. What do you think? I know. Clothing, clothes.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

17 pairs of shoes. I did. All seasons. And we we wore we wore maybe like three things the whole weekend.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

Yeah. No, I mean, I wore a lot of the clothes. It was really the shoes that I had about five to six pairs of shoes I didn't wear.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

And then as she was trying to pack to go back, she was like, Should I just throw out the winter booties? I can't put them. I was like, you did not drag those fucking things all the way over here to just throw them out.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

I know. And they are my favorites. So yeah, I kept them.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

She was ready to sacrifice them to the gods. That was the new photo. For all the things. I will do it. Yeah. I will throw these out. Yes. You mean nothing?

SPEAKER_00 25:29

We went to Primark, got suitcases, took them back to the place. Then we're like, there's a couple vintage stores we haven't been to yet.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

Yeah. Let's just we gotta get lunch. So let's go. There's a pizza place near one of them. We're gonna get one last pizza. Delicious. Oh, so good. So good. Again, we were last meals, last everything. We had to get it in. That's right. Time was running out.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

So we went to Bivio. Went to Bivio. It was amazing. We should have gone there first. It was amazing. They had their whole downstairs, it was like 50% off. I got a Armadi dress for 50 euro. I got a couple other dresses. You got a 100% cashmere jacket for what? 50?

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Yeah, I got Grandpa Giuseppe's 100% cashmere camel like long jacket. And I love it so much. Yeah. It's amazing. But we didn't realize it was on sale. So we just saw a sign going downstairs that was like more shit. So we're like looking around, then all of a sudden I'm like, we have a bunch of stuff in our arms and we're like, I don't know, I don't know. And then I look at the wall and it's like everything 50 to 70% off. And then we're like looking at the tags, just like, yes, yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Then we go upstairs to check out, and they're like sunglasses up there. So we almost duped it out. We did. Once again. We did. Luckily, we each ended up with a pair that we love, but Jackie found a pair first, but really, you know, they look best on me. I found them for you. I found them for you. You found them for me. I found them for you. And the little gentleman that was helping us had something I'd never seen before, which was a sole patch on his lower back. It was it was a triangle, like perfectly quaffed into a triangle. I mean, it was manicured. Yeah. I didn't know that was an option that you could style your lower back hair. So that is something apparently in Italy.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

In Milan, you can. In Milan you can. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Chic Sale B. And he was wearing a little crop top so you could see it, you know? Because if why style your lower back hair if no one can see it? It's like a tree falling in the woods. Is it even there? Did it even happen? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

Yeah. There was a sticker on the door that was like, this was our LGBTQ positive place. And it was. Yes. And we loved it. And he loved it. And we loved the back sole patch. So we were in a we were in a happy place. Yeah. What I didn't like was that Mallory and I didn't drink a drop of water up until that point in the day. And I was dying of dehydration and thirst. And they had a huge water cooler. And I was like, oh, thank God. And I didn't bring my water bottle or anything with me. And I'm like, there was no cups there. So I'm like, excuse me, can I get a cup for the water? And he was just like, we don't have cups. And I was like, but but you have the water. And he was like, yeah, well, I guess if you had a water bottle, you could use it. I was like, no one here has water bottles. Why would you have water? And no if you don't have a no little disposable cup. We would have something for the water. A vessel. A vessel. Yeah. Yeah. It's like being in the desert and seeing the water. But did we leave and get water? No. No, we didn't. We didn't. No, we went and got shoes instead.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

We whirled on down the street to an Italian shoe store. Amazing shoes, beautiful shoes. Again, reasonably priced, so we went ape shape. We say we'll take it reasonable prices, and by the time we're done with them, they won't be reasonable because we would have bought so many things. We've each bought three pairs of shoes.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

We ran these women ragged.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Like the system. Can I get this? Can I get that? Can I get this? Can I get that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

You couldn't grab your own. Like all the boxes were there, but they were, it was such a strange coding system. So like you'd look at a shoe and it'd be like E27. And you would just look around, you'd be like, I don't know where those are. So every shoe you had to ask them, Can I try this on? Can I try this on? And we tried them all. We tried every shoe.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

Tried them all on. That's right. We tried every last shoe on. Yeah. So then we whirled into the wine store or to the grocery store and got a bunch of Italian wine from the grocery store, which is super cheap, but amazing. I don't know if you've drank any of it since you've been home, but yes, I did. I popped a bottle.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

So by this point, Mallory had had it with me. She was dehydrated. She was done and sick of me. And I was like, And she was like sick of me too. She was like, Do you want me to help you pick up this wine or not? I was like, Yes, I do. And everything she kept grabbing was like three euro, five euro. And I was like, that's too cheap. That's the bad stuff.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Jackie's like, that's the crap. I'm like, listen here, lady. We're in Italy. It's all the good stuff. That's the point. That's why you buy it here. It's because it is.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

I was like, I don't want two buck chucks. I want good stuff.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

They don't make two buck chucks in Italy.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

No, they don't. It's like the best wine ever. And it was like six euro. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

It's crazy. The most expensive bottle I got, I think, was 16 euro.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Majority I got was single digits.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

Yeah. And it's phenomenal. Yeah. Frantically just dragged it all back. Dragged it all back. We spent the rest of the night packing. We went to a shitty restaurant.

SPEAKER_01 30:22

We were so mad. We were like, we need one more bowl of pasta. I know. One amazing meal. We saw this restaurant. It had a line out it when we saw it. Absolutely. And then we're going to go back to the phone. 4.9 on Google. 4.9. We made a res. There were limited reservation spots. We walked in. Yeah. And what did you see when we walked in?

SPEAKER_00 30:42

Well, I saw an old man sitting on a chair at the front on a stool. So his foot was up close and personal to me, taking off his sock and shoe and just digging in between his toes. So I thought, wow, this place is authentic. I mean, it even comes with an old man and his little foot. Like that is for real, for real. You know, everybody in there is in their soccer attire because there had been a match.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

Something happened with soccer. And every the car horns, screaming, flags, flags. Everybody's wearing the colors, yada yada. Yada yada. And this place is full of them. And you know, it wasn't the worst meal I ever had. Definitely wasn't the worst in Milan. That was the Chef War di Ravioli, but it was bad.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

It was good. Yeah, it was disappointing. Yeah, it was disappointing. That's Jackie to a rooftop bar. I didn't let her cop out with her cheese.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

I was down for the rooftop bar. We had to end it better than that. So we said we gotta recover.

SPEAKER_00 31:43

So we go, we go up on the rooftop and we keep seeing fireworks by the Duomo, and we're like, we gotta get over there. Yep. So we get our asses down into the mix of all the soccer people. There's people singing, there's fireworks going on. All all of a sudden, all these little men come out with like little buckets of beer and they're selling beers left and right, and it was cool.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

It was the Milano soccer team won some champion. I don't know. We kept asking dudes, and no one was giving us. They just gave us like an appearance of Milano.

SPEAKER_00 32:11

We're like, we don't know what that means. There's two Milan soccer teams, and one that people like like it's kind of like you grow up and like whoever your parents like, do you like? It's that sort of thing, and and one of them won something.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

Yeah, we just want to really like their colors though. Black and like a blue. Very nice. Was very into their universe.

unknown 32:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

But yeah, people were very excited. We went down there. To me, again, it reminded me of Le Miz, them on the bear game. It's very nice.

SPEAKER_00 32:39

I was listening to the whole thing reminded Jackie of Le Miz.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

It was everything really.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Our server at the rooftop bar though, we were like, Oh, congratulations on the soccer win. And he just deadpanned, it's not my team. And then we didn't see him again. He's like, You got you two, go fuck yourself. You're not getting another drink from me.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

You know? We were up there for a while. Those fireworks, at first we were just like, oh, nice, a firework show for the win. And it was like an hour and a half later, and they were still going off. It was about 11:30, and we said, Yeah, we're gonna go check it out. And that was when I almost got my only designer purchase of the trip, is when Mallory saw a Prada wallet on the ground.

SPEAKER_00 33:16

I was like, grab it, grab it. Nobody was anywhere near it.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

She was it's exactly what you were looking for. It's your bag, it's in your price range. It's in your price range. Yeah, you should grab it. I was like, I'm not grabbing somebody's wallet that was stolen and thrown in the ground. She was like, why? Nobody's looking for it. Just grab it. It's Prada.

SPEAKER_00 33:32

It's like I've probably already taken all the money out, you know. Just saying, I did not get it. Yeah. Finders keepers. We've had the best time. Oh my god. It's been amazing. Just the best. The best girls' trip. Anyone who's thinking about Milan for I don't think it's like a family. It'd probably be fine for a family, but I think it's like best suited for a girls' trip where you want to shop. You want to if if he likes to show. If he likes to shop. Really for girls. For girls. Really for the girls. This was this one's for the girls. Yeah. Yeah. My husband would love it, but he would not want to shop.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

And no, my husband would have loved the spa.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Yeah. Yeah. And all the historical stuff. Same. Same. But like, yeah, that we didn't go into.

unknown 34:13

We didn't go into.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

We didn't go into it all.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

We saw. Yeah. Kept it moving. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Kept it moving. But an amazing city. If anyone dogs Milan, I don't know. I feel like a lot of we were looking up stuff before we came and it was like, oh, my least favorite city in Italy's Milan. Like, not a lot to do.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

It just depends on what you're here for. You know, we were here to shop and eat and we fucking did it. We we did it. We've done it. And we saw two cultural things as well. Well, well, no, we went to another church too.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

Yeah. We've got we've gotten culture. We've gotten culture. We've gotten culture. We've done we've done a mix. I am I am swollen and full of sodium and a lot of wine. And my feet.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

Yeah. And she's blaming it on the wine. She said, I'm not going to drink any wine today, as if that's the problem. Not the cheese on cheese on cheese.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

I will not say no to cheese.

SPEAKER_00 35:02

Okay. Yeah. It's my religion. But it's also been amazing being in person because we actually do like each other despite how we treated each other last night. And a little bit this morning.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

Listen, Mallory's still on US time. So I am on Euro time. I want to sleep bang. I want 30.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

I want to go.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

Mallory's up at fucking seven. She's like, hey, do you want coffee? Do you want do you want a croissant? Are you ready to get up? And I'm like, leave me alone.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

I've never seen somebody take two hours to get out of bed before.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

This is, I have to save up all this sleep. This is my sleep for the year. Okay. I'm banking it. Well, and you're right. That's not what I came here for.

SPEAKER_02 35:41

This is what I came here for.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

That's not what I came here for.

unknown 35:45

No.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

So, you know, and didn't wake up in the bed. Thank God we didn't go to Lake Como or Lake Cuomo as Jackie cannot stop calling it. All she knows is Mario Cuomo. But I'm feeling better now. Okay. Good. Because we got more shopping to do.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

We got we got we got souvenirs to buy.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

We got stuff to buy and more suitcases because we got to take all the shit out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't plan.

SPEAKER_01 36:07

Nope. We didn't plan that well. But yeah, this has been a blast.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

Shout out to our husbands.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

Oh, the best. They have done the best job with our kids. Listen, if you have a husband that doesn't support you going and doing and can't be alone with your kids, ask yourself why. Because that's that ain't it. That ain't it. Our husbands are the best. They're fully, fully functional parents who can hold it down while we are gone with no issues. Yep. My husband's hanging on by a thread right now. Physically not because of yes, not because of anything you being gone, but just because he's physically disabled. And he's still doing it. And he's still doing a smile on his face.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

Smile on his face. So shout out to you guys.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

The best.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

And yeah, this has been the best. The best. Oh my gosh. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

Still love you. Still love you too. I do. I do. I do. We'll see what happens later.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Let's see how tonight goes. Last night. Don't let me eat that much cheese.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

I won't. I tried to stop. All right, we're gonna we'll take this off the air. But Italy, we love you. Love you. The best time. The people, meh, you know, not as nice as you'd want them to be. But we found a few pockets of nice.

SPEAKER_01 37:14

Yeah, we've we found some gems.

SPEAKER_00 37:15

We found some pockets of nice who liked us. And maybe it's us. Maybe it's us they don't like. I don't think so. That doesn't sound right. Doesn't sound right at all. It's never happened to me before.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

Oh my gosh. All right. This has been great. Amazing. Now love ya. Love ya. Guys, this is a special uh special in-person app. In-person app. I'm looking at a screen that doesn't have us on it because I made us close it out. There we go. There we go. All right. All right, perfect. Um follow us on Instagram at a Kiki Catus. Maybe I'll repost all the things we tagged us in that I didn't.

unknown 37:47

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 37:47

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Yep. Because I've been enjoying my vacation. Uh-huh. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

On the toilet.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

Well, we'll get stuff up on the shut up. We'll get stuff up the socials soon.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

And thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

Thanks for listening. Let us know if you've been to Milan. If you've been to Italy.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

Yeah. What are your favorite spots? Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

All right, Mal. See ya. See ya. Bye bye. Bye. It's a kicky catch up.

unknown 38:14

It's a kicky catch-up. It's a kitty catch-up.